Archive for the ‘Water Rides’ Category

Single Parent Dad goes to Alton Towers

November 5th, 2009

Alton Towers is somewhere that holds many happy memories for me. From my childhood, when my mother used to take me with my sister; in my youth when I was free to go on my own with friends; and most recently when it became an annual trip for my late wife and I on her birthday.

Even though I have taken the boy all over the country to all sorts of places Alton Towers was not really on my radar as I simply discounted it as not age appropriate. We came close to going when they opened the hotel, and waterpark, which runs term-time specials for toddlers and their carers, but never got around to actually arranging a visit.

Then over the summer, some of our friends, who have a daughter nine months younger than my son, told me about what a great time they had at Britain’s biggest theme park. The thought of taking Max quickly entered my head, that is, after I had stopped teasing my friend’s daughter about ‘Alton Flowers’. “It’s called Alton Towers, not Alton Flowers silly,” she would say. “Then why did you call it Alton Flowers?” Was my jovial (or should that be juvenile?) retort.

So when Play and Stay offered to send us, I was intrigued to find out how much fun the Alton Towers Resort could be for a near five-year-old and his dad.

On arrival we discovered it is still extremely well organised, and also still a decent walk from the car park, but there is the monorail which I suppose counts as your first ride of the day.

If you’re feeling extra flush you have the option to pay £15 for priority parking, which means you can park right outside the entrance to the park. But as I am tight, I opted for the normal parking which still costs £5, which I must admit to still being a little miffed by.

Once inside we headed down Towers Street, and turned right for Adventure Land, which seemed like a great place to start for us. It turned out I was right. After a quick toilet break we were straight into the Berry Bish Bash, which is a sort of soft play area combined with firing squidgy balls at each other. My son thought this was hilarious, especially as one of the biggest targets – and thus most popular – appeared to be his dad. We also went on Old MacDonald’s Tractors, which I thought a little tame, but my boy obviously enjoyed pretending to drive a tractor.

The Beastie was higher octane, and we both enjoyed being thrown around on that. A quick drink and climb on some playground equipment, and it was time for lunch.  The excellent map lays out the great food choices available, and I opted to bribe my son with a KFC, in exchange for him thinking about going on Enterprise, a ride I had identified as enjoyable for me, and that he passed the minimum height requirement for. Sadly, while he agreed to go and have a look, his hesitance – and the queue – put me off.

No matter, as there were plenty of other rides for us to enjoy. We had a good time on the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory ride, the Peugeot Driving School was an instant favourite for him, and there were more soft play adventures within Cloud Cuckoo Land.

Since being damaged by fire, the Skyride is still out of action, which is a mild irritation legs can get tired walking over the vast area the park occupies.

Alton Towers has an impressive Sea Life centre

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The obligatory water ride came in the form of the Battle Galleons, a very funny concept that lets you fire water cannons at targets and other parkgoers as your boat travels around. Our cagoules instantly became an excellent idea. After this, we needed warming up and, after fumbling for the right change, used one of the giant dryers. It was also an apt time to go and have a look around Sharkbait Reef, a new attraction for 2009, completed in collaboration with Sea-Life.

This centre adds to those we have visited in Birmingham and on Anglesey, and had a number of different attractions we had not seen before, which was an added bonus.

At Alton Towers there were plenty of rides we did not get to go on, like the Runaway Mine Train and the Rapids, but I fully expect to go back at some point and give them a try then.

Read more about Single Parent Dad at http://singleparentdad.blogspot.com

You Know What I’d Do? I’d Ban it!

August 14th, 2009

As you are no doubt aware Alton Towers have taken the earth-shattering decision to ban skimpy swimming costumes for their male guests. They’re making them go naked – no, no, no, that was a joke; they’re making them cover up by insisting that all men wear swimming shorts while at the park and at the Splash Landings pool.

Now, if you ask me – and no, no one has – this piece of legislation is long, long-overdue. The Speedo look might just pass on the Continent, but in Blighty it’s a bit rich isn’t it? Plummeting temperatures, the threat of a downpour constantly hanging over us like a drizzly sword of Damocles? Give it a rest. Those alpha males who took to Alton Towers in little more than a pair of briefs no bigger than your average train ticket must surely have been northerners, because, as a rather delicate southerner, there is simply no way I’d brave the outside after a dip in the pool in anything less than a full-body wetsuit, a scarf and thick woolen mittens.

Anyway, that rather grisly episode is behind us all now: history has closed the page on that menacing chapter.

The only question that remains is: why stop there?

Below is a list of things I’d like to see banned from Alton Towers. Feel free to tack some on at the end. We’ll get a list together, then I’m writing to Mr Towers…

Everybody loves a good poncho

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Right, first up, I’d ban the selling, acquisition and the donning thereof of ponchos. I’m not talking about genuine ponchos, you understand; I’m not having a dig at the Hispanic overcoat of choice. No, I’m talking about the sorry excuses for ponchos that get handed around every time it gets a little bit damp. They are, effectively, shopping bags with eye-holes cut in. There is simply no way that one could protect you from one of Mrs Tittlemouse’s delicate sneezes, let alone a gale force storm. It’s preposterous:

Dad: The heavens have opened, let’s take shelter!
Mum: Don’t worry dear, I’ve got three-and-a-half yards of cling film here.

No, no, no. They’re out: right out.

What else?

Photos. Yep, I’d ban photos. Why is it that the second you step off a ride someone wants to sell you a mug with a picture of you screaming on it? I can understand the appeal when it’s a ride like Rita, Queen of Speed, but when you’ve just hopped off the Squirrel Nutty Ride I think photographic evidence is bit over-the-top. No one’s putting that on their mantlepiece.

That brings me, rather neatly, to the Squirrel Nutty Ride itself, yes I’d ban that too. Yes, I know it’s a ride for little children. It lets them “travel in their very own acorn”, but I maintain that this wasn’t made clear to me at the time… the boys from the stag do still won’t talk to me.

You know, I’ve got quite a taste for all this banning lark, it turns out… I’d ban queues, I’d ban bum bags, I’d ban loud noises, I’d ban really scary rides, I’d ban the lot.

Sorry about that. I seemed to got a bit carried away there. Anyway, if you have any suggestions about what you’d like to see banned from Britain’s theme parks add it on here, I’m drafting the letter as we speak…

The Poncho-sen Ones invade LEGOLAND

March 26th, 2008

pon·cho |ˈpän-(ˌ)chō|
noun (pl. -chos)
1 : a blanket with a slit in the middle so that it can be slipped over the head and worn as a sleeveless garment
2 : a waterproof garment resembling a poncho and having an integral hood

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We arrive at LEGOLAND Windsor at approximately 3.30pm on a cold, damp Wednesday afternoon with the intention of experiencing the park with the enthusiasm of an excited child. After entering the gates and negotiating the first toilet break of the visit we are met with a pretty impressive view of the whole park area. In the distance we see the beautiful Windsor Castle (i think) although it could’ve been a shopping centre, and we begin our descent to tackle the first ride of the day – Viking’s River Splash!

On reflection, without a change of clothes and on such a day as this a water ride shouldn’t have been our first port of call. However, we are young adventurers and this is the first ride we come across so we approach with little or no hesitation. Even the wet seats did little to deter us. This excitement and lack of regard for personal comfort proved a great choice as the Viking’s River Splash was a whole lotta fun! Wetness rating was about 6/10 but well worth it and I don’t fancy our chances of drying off with the dark clouds looming.

Being dry is overrated. After a little walking we discover the Dragon Coaster so we queue for about 15 seconds and then jump on the back. It is FREEZING! The cold air that hits your face as you twist and turn along the track doesn’t really go well with wet hair and damp trousers. As we finish the ride there are few people waiting to climb aboard so we go round again… a pretty quick ride and it did go some way to drying my clothes.

A gentle stroll across the park and it’s easy to tell that the Easter holidays are not yet upon us. There aren’t many kids in today and those present are probably too young to have even started school yet. We wouldn’t have to queue for the rides so i wasn’t complaining, although the wet trousers were ensuring a few moans here and there…. we’ll come back to the wetness.

Approaching the Jungle Coaster, we become more aware of the fact we don’t look like the average group of LEGOLANDERS as the ride operators appear to rub their hands together and cackle manically. This may not have happened but somehow it seems like it should have – as the Jungle Coaster came to a stop I felt my service station lunch was desperate to make an appearance. A pretty good coaster although maybe I am a little too old and experienced to fully appreciate the excitement that fellow younger riders were clearly experiencing.

So anyway, feeling a little jaded and cynical about roller coasters and my lack of appreciation for them – we approached what appeared to be a pretty small water ride. The Wave Surfer is a circular moat-like track where you ride round on a jet-ski type thing. If this sounds rubbish then my cynicism is translating well. But, I have been converted by the power of the Wave Surfer – this is seriously the greatest ride in the history of the world! Friends and enemies afraid of a little water can activate the water bombs in an attempt to soak you as you steer erratically in an attempt to create the ultimate wave. So much better than I ever thought it would be and I didn’t even care that I was once again soaked.

As the afternoon begins to draw to a close, we spot the coolest kid at LEGOLAND. The kid is unaware of how cool he/she actually is and as you have noticed I am unaware on the gender of said child. There is one thing that separates this ‘superchild’ from us mere mortals with our drenched sleeves and damp pants – it is known as a ‘poncho’. Don’t try and picture this creation because your thoughts will never do it justice. It is yellow, it has a LEGOLAND logo on the back and it has a hood. However, we later realise it only has short-sleeves – this minor imperfection will not tarnish the fact this is the best £3 I ever spent!

After the purchase is made, the rest of the afternoon is a blur. I am delirious with glee, glee being a word I haven’t used since another such historical occasion as this. With a poncho on my back and a skip in my step I attack the Pirate Falls. The first carriage we attempt to board is knee-deep in water so we grab the next one…. only our ankles will be soaked in this one. After a pleasant float along the winding approach, we begin to climb the track to the inevitable drop and subsequent splash. As the rear member of four riders, the water appears to feebly adhere to gravitational laws and congregates around me as we continue our ascent. As gravity again rears its ugly head, we plummet towards the biggest splash of the day! I am now immune to water and the feeling of wetness and so would happily ride again but 5pm is approaching fast.

We haven’t even ridden the Longboat Invader yet and so head for one of the newest rides at LEGOLAND Windsor. It doesn’t really look like I should fear it but I just wish I had given it more respect. I exit feeling a little worse-for-wear while a couple of kids a least 20 years my junior clearly had a fantastic time. Maybe I should stick to the water rides…

Time really is against us as we enter Loki’s Labyrinth. If we get lost in here then will they send a rescue team when the park closes? As each one of us attempts to win the race to the centre, I cheat a little by sliding through smalls gaps between blockades and the hedges. As we enjoy the view from the centre of Loki’s Labyrinth we realise it is time to draw this glorious afternoon to a close and head for the car.

As we slowly climb the paths towards the exit, I notice a LEGOLAND train full of other visitors taking the easier option to the top of the hill. I don’t envy them one bit – our glorious afternoon at LEGOLAND will not be tarnished now by such laziness! In the distance Space Tower shows ‘people’ climbing via ropes and a debate breaks out as to whether the climbers are human or LEGO… a coffee rests on the outcome.

They were human. No coffee ever changed hands.

Vikings Raid Legoland

March 19th, 2007

Legoland Windsor will be adding some great family rides with opening of the all new Land of the Vikings. This will feature three new attractions. First up there is a maze called Loki’s Labyrinth. Then there’s the kiddy orientated Longboat Invader. The big announcement is the opening of an all new river rapids ride: Vikings’ River Splash. This river rapids style ride will be a very welcome addition to the park, as it only previously had one with the Pirate Goldwash.