As I’m sure many of you are aware, ‘The Corkscrew’, Alton Towers Resort‘s oldest rollercoaster, is being taken down after 28 years of service. This is some of the saddest news I have had to bloggify for your reading pleasure. Yes Corkscrew was getting a touch dated, yes it did bash you about a bit and yes, it wasn’t really that exciting when compared to Nemesis or Oblivion but it’s a bit of a classic.
Getting strapped into Corkscrew has a glorious nostalgic feel to it. The harnesses are old and heavily worn in, 28 years of white-knuckled gripping have distressed the plastic to a oddly satisfying patina. If you look closely you can see what I presume are fingernail marks dug deeply into the squishy part near the little grab handles.
The last time I rode Corkscrew was earlier this year when the Play and Stay® team went on our outing to Alton Towers to test out the YourDay system. I must admit, most of us were rattled around a bit, at least one of us went green and all of us preferred Nemesis.
Gripes aside, personally, I’ve got a bit of a soft spot for rickety old Corkscrew. I like to think of it as the sleepy, flatulent grandmother of the coaster world, a personality you could forgive for anything.
My views are not enough it would seem. Grandma is off to the home to make way for an as yet undisclosed attraction. I have no idea what it will be but you can bet it will be bigger, shinier and faster than good ol’ Corky.
Whatever it is that will replace Corkscrew, Alton Towers Resort’s staff have begun clearing the area around the coaster and they have found some a surprising volume of stuff under the old girl. There’s been the expected detritus, thousands of hats, loads of keys, 800 pieces of jewellery, 237 mobile phones and 53 shoes.
These aren’t the items that piqued my interest though, two items in particular have caught my eye. Firstly, the folk clearing this 28 years old pile of jumble have found 10 pieces of underwear.
Pause.
TEN PEICES OF UNDERWEAR?! Where the heck did that come from? Under what circumstances can one lose one’s grinders in the moments it takes to zip round Corkscrew’s track? I’ve tried to think of situations and I honestly can’t think of a single way you could lose any form of undergarment on that ride.
These ponderings have led me to believe that at least ten people visiting Alton Towers Resort thought that at least one ride would be so scary they would require spare pants. Concerned that they might have an embarassing “accident” at least ten people must have stashed a spare pair of undercrackers in their pocket.
This hypothesis concerns me deeply, how many people have had a spare pants situation in a rollercoaster seat I’ve sat in? That’s the exact reason I won’t ride the bus! As disturbed and slightly sickened by this as I am, something far stranger has been found under Corkscrew and it needs addressing.
The oddest find has been….wait for it……a prosthetic leg! Yes, some poor soul’s artificial limb has been found. This brings up all manner of questions. Firstly, did the person who lost the leg realise? Surely they did, if so why was it not retrieved? I know staff are generally very reluctant to retrieve things like change and hats but somebody’s leg?! What kind of cold-hearted attendant sees someone hopping up to them and refuses to get them back their leg…their leg that they use for walking!
Did anyone else realise that someone had lost a limb? Why did those watching not kick up a fuss? Why is there not a video of a leg sailing through the air into the shrubbery outside Corkscrew on youtube? How did the person that lost the leg make it out of the park? Were they ok? Does it hurt to loose an artificial leg? It’s attached somehow so surely it must be at least uncomfortable for it to have been wrenched off.
I implore you people of the internet, citizens of cyberspace, find me the person who lost that limb. I want to hear from you, I want to know if you’re ok and I want to know more about how the leg ended up abandoned rather than retrieved. Use the comments box people, ask your friends, find that person so we can see them reunited with their lost pin!