It’s unlikely that the new attraction will be a white-knuckle thrill ride; Paultons is, after all, a family park. Perhaps some sort of indoor ride? I have no idea, but any new attraction is alright by me.

No matter what the new attraction is, it won’t be open until 2012. While we wait to find out exactly what Paultons are planning, here are some other rides and attractions that feature volcanoes for theme park fans to seek out.

Dino Safari – LEGOLAND Windsor

Dinosaur – Disney’s Animal Kingdom

George’s Dinosaur Ride – Peppa Pig World

Jurassic Park River Adventure – Universal Studios

Dinosaur Adventure Park – Norfolk

Ticket and hotel packages for Paultons Park and LEGOLAND Windsor are available from Play-and-Stay.co.uk

The facts:

• The new ride is codenamed LC12, but we all know it as THE SWARM.
• THE SWARM will be the UK’s first winged rollercoaster.
• It will feature a “head first, inverted drop from 127ft”.
• The theme will be post-apocalyptic. Considering that there’s been an army tank outside of THORPE PARK with ‘WAR IS COMING’ written up the side for ages, it’s likely that the story will be humanity’s last stand against something unpleasant.
• It will be located next to Stealth.
• It will be accessible via a wooden bridge.
• The attraction’s highest point will be 36.8 metres about ground level.
• Theming will include a “rickety jetty”, a helicopter, a crashed articulated lorry and what seems to be the crashed remains of some sort of aeroplane or rocket.
• The coaster will be located on its own island

What’s a winged rollercoaster? Does it fly?
Typically, rollercoasters have carriages which keep riders positioned directly above or below the track. If you ignore all the fire and jet engines in the above image, you can clearly see that THE SWARM’s carriages are positioned to either side of the track, leaving nothing but empty air above and below you. In essence, you are sitting on/in the ‘wings’, which should make a nice change from the standard coaster layout. Disappointingly, winged coasters don’t fly.

What are other winged rollercoasters like?
Gardaland’s Raptor looks reasonably similar to plans for THE SWARM and it seems to impressing coaster fans. The main appeal of the winged design seems to be the opportunity for designers to include plenty of near-misses with the scenery. Think of the spinning blades at the bottom of the drop on SAW – The Ride, Raptor features loads of stuff like that, and you can bet that THE SWARM will, too. The interplay between the carriage, riders and scenery appears to be the key to a successful winged coaster.

Just who/what are THE SWARM’s swarm?
Not a clue. Aliens? Bugs? Alien bugs? The word swarm can be applied to pretty much any creature that gathers in large numbers, though the chances of the ride being themed around a destructive swarm of killer penguins is slim. If I had to guess, I’d assume that it’s aliens.

When does THE SWARM open?
Spring 2012. THORPE PARK ticket and hotel package are available from Play-and-Stay.co.uk, book now to be among the first to ride THE SWARM!

SAW: The Ride

The big brother of Alton Tower’s original Nemesis coaster, Inferno is one of just a handful of inverted rollercoasters in Europe and one of the best in the world. Hanging from the track above, Nemesis Inferno has the feel of an out-of-control train, as it hurtles down its course, carved from craggy rocks.

With nothing beneath you, and your legs just dangling during loops and tight corkscrews, Inferno gives a sensation of freefall missing from most rollercoasters. Definitely worth queuing up for… more than once.

Spinning, swinging, almost upside down; Vortex is my favourite ride at Thorpe Park. Weightless one second, and then pointing face-down hurtling towards the ground the next, it’s a dizzying experience and one that is missed out by many visitors to Thorpe Park as they make their way to the ‘big’ rides instead. Take it from me, it’s something you definitely want to mark on the park map.

Stealth

Stealth’s fear factor comes from the overwhelming sense of anticipation, which builds and builds the closer you get to your turn on the rollercoaster. Going from 0-80mph in less than two seconds has a peculiar affect on a person, one which usually results in a shocked scream, and seeing others launched towards the lofty 205ft drop at such an insane speed just doesn’t prepare you for how it feels.

Combine taking off in a plane with going over a bridge in a car, and you’re getting close to the feeling that hits you in the chest and turns your stomach.

It’s not a long ride, but is most definitely worth the wait – if your nerves can take it.

Enjoy Fright Night at Thorpe Park with tickets and hotel deals from just £41.50.

First up is Sally Whittle, mummy blogger extraordinaire at Who’s The Mummy where she discusses life with four-year old daughter Flea.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments section below and if you want to join our select panel of bloggers then get in touch.

I have this theory about parenting. Faced with the awesome responsibility of not raising a serial killer, new parents latch on to anyone who can tell us the “right” stuff to do. That’s why we spend £5 a week on classes to help our children walk along a bench in a straight line, or to hit a tambourine.

But when you think about it, the things that are the most fun aren’t usually organised. They’re almost certainly not the sorts of things that are designed to boost your child’s development or give them a head start. Flea and I did the activity class thing, but it’s fair to say she’s not big on organised fun.

At swimming class, Flea didn’t want to take her float off – which is pretty smart when you think about it because she was 18 months old and couldn’t swim. It’s hard to fault that kind of logic, really.

At a musical group, she didn’t understand why we kept listening to nursery rhymes, and repeatedly asked, “When are we having some guitar music?” That’d be my fault for introducing her to The Smiths, then.

Perhaps our most traumatic experience was at a language skills class, when Flea made the grave error of talking when it was time for listening. The look the class leader fixed poor Flea with reduced her to tears.

These days we’re big believers in disorganised fun. We’ve created a special bag that lives in the car, and it’s called The Adventure Bag. Inside The Adventure Bag is everything we need to go off and have fun somewhere. There’s a picnic blanket, water bottle, spare set of clothes and our camera. There’s also a Spider-Man figure and three small dinosaurs. Because you should always have a dinosaur or two on your side when you’re having adventures.

Over breakfast, Flea and I think about what we’d like to do. While I’m drinking coffee, Flea likes nothing more than considering her options, and will eventually say, “Mummy, I’ve got a brilliant idea.” Our adventures this year have included visiting museums, exploring the Lake District, various zoos and safari parks, numerous beaches, one theme park and one day when the GPS broke down, the town of Harrogate (we were supposed to be in Ilkley, I’m still not completely sure what went wrong).

Wherever we go, we buy a small badge or pin, and stick it on The Adventure Bag. Over the years, I hope the bag will become covered in images that are a visual record of all the places we’ve been together. Already, the bag holds lots of lovely memories of the first place Flea went sailing, the day she discovered dinosaur bones, the long afternoon we spent having a barbecue on Brighton beach and the day we went to Chester Zoo and spent the entire day looking at different varieties of monkey.

I figure that when Flea is a teenager and would rather poke herself in the eye than be seen in public with her mother, I’ll have all those memories of our adventures, thanks to The Adventure Bag. And you know what? I bet those memories will be a lot better than anything involving church halls and a tambourine.

Somewhat intrigued by the idea of a theme park based around the Ferrari, I went on a mission — to find a selection of other weird, wonderful and fascinating amusements parks. So brace yourself for robots, aliens, Lego and much more as I reveal my findings….

LEGOLAND:

Legoland Resort

Oh LEGOLAND! A family favourite and one I could not miss from this blog. Children over the years have had great fun building all sorts of wonderful Lego creations. So, what a great idea to turn a childhood favourite toy into a unique theme for an amusement park.

LEGOLAND has proven extremely popular worldwide with parks located in Germany, England, Denmark and the United States. Malaysia is also set to jump on the LEGOLAND bandwagon by 2012.

Suoi Tien Park:

Suoi Tien Resort

Diverting from Lego, I take you to Suoi Tien Park, a land of bright colours and Buddhas! Yes that’s right, this unusually themed park is based around the Buddhist religion.

Aptly named attractions such as Heaven Palace have somewhat distorted my previous conception of Heaven. I pictured chillaxing on clouds, however, here you splash around in a water park designed to look like the afterlife.

Think that sounds quirky? Well what about Hell Palace, similar but with frowning statues? Now I don’t know about you but I’m not sure if I could “let my hair down” and have fun if I am being glared at by sculptures. Will I face judgement if I visited Hell Palace over Heaven Palace? Where are the terms and conditions for this place?

On a happier note, the Tien Dong beach features an impressive sculpted waterfall, bearing the face of an emperor and you can even head over to Crocodile Kingdom, where you can feed some of the 1,500 live crocodiles. What this has to do with Buddha I don’t know.

Alien Apex Resort:

Alien Apex Resort

I never thought I would write about Lego, Buddha and aliens on the same day, but here I am. Fancy taking a trip to Roswell, New Mexico in 2010 for the opening of the Alien Apex Resort? I know what you’re thinking; how original! Yes I am afraid there are plans to place Roswell at the heart of alien activity once again after the famous incident in 1947.

Nevertheless the UFO-themed amusement park is said to include an indoor rollercoaster that’ll take passengers on a simulated alien abduction, which does sound sort of cool providing there’s no probing involved.

Robot Theme Park:

Robot Theme Park

Now, this I had to include. South Korea are intending to build two robot theme parks, with the first to be finished in 2013. Yes 2013 is a little while off but after all the theme is pretty “futuristic” (ha, at least I make myself laugh).

Robots are used in the nation’s key industries and the government are keen to promote the robotics industry. Apparently you will be able to see (what I can only picture as R2-D2 look alikes) compete in various events. Nothing screams “good day out” like watching robots in battle… right?

So there you have it, a selection of weird yet wonderful theme parks which exist or should exist soon. The question remains, what theme would you like to see as the basis for an amusement park?

Now, if you ask me – and no, no one has – this piece of legislation is long, long-overdue. The Speedo look might just pass on the Continent, but in Blighty it’s a bit rich isn’t it? Plummeting temperatures, the threat of a downpour constantly hanging over us like a drizzly sword of Damocles? Give it a rest. Those alpha males who took to Alton Towers in little more than a pair of briefs no bigger than your average train ticket must surely have been northerners, because, as a rather delicate southerner, there is simply no way I’d brave the outside after a dip in the pool in anything less than a full-body wetsuit, a scarf and thick woolen mittens.

Anyway, that rather grisly episode is behind us all now: history has closed the page on that menacing chapter.

The only question that remains is: why stop there?

Below is a list of things I’d like to see banned from Alton Towers. Feel free to tack some on at the end. We’ll get a list together, then I’m writing to Mr Towers…

Right, first up, I’d ban the selling, acquisition and the donning thereof of ponchos. I’m not talking about genuine ponchos, you understand; I’m not having a dig at the Hispanic overcoat of choice. No, I’m talking about the sorry excuses for ponchos that get handed around every time it gets a little bit damp. They are, effectively, shopping bags with eye-holes cut in. There is simply no way that one could protect you from one of Mrs Tittlemouse’s delicate sneezes, let alone a gale force storm. It’s preposterous:

Dad: The heavens have opened, let’s take shelter!
Mum: Don’t worry dear, I’ve got three-and-a-half yards of cling film here.

No, no, no. They’re out: right out.

What else?

Photos. Yep, I’d ban photos. Why is it that the second you step off a ride someone wants to sell you a mug with a picture of you screaming on it? I can understand the appeal when it’s a ride like Rita, Queen of Speed, but when you’ve just hopped off the Squirrel Nutty Ride I think photographic evidence is bit over-the-top. No one’s putting that on their mantlepiece.

That brings me, rather neatly, to the Squirrel Nutty Ride itself, yes I’d ban that too. Yes, I know it’s a ride for little children. It lets them “travel in their very own acorn”, but I maintain that this wasn’t made clear to me at the time… the boys from the stag do still won’t talk to me.

You know, I’ve got quite a taste for all this banning lark, it turns out… I’d ban queues, I’d ban bum bags, I’d ban loud noises, I’d ban really scary rides, I’d ban the lot.

Sorry about that. I seemed to got a bit carried away there. Anyway, if you have any suggestions about what you’d like to see banned from Britain’s theme parks add it on here, I’m drafting the letter as we speak…

Last time we went to the park, Land of the Vikings had just opened and the place was packed. We queued for up to 45 minutes to get on some of the better rides.

Now, I’m not sure if it was because of the new area, Kingdom of the Pharaohs, or if Legoland just wasn’t as busy as before, but the queues were significantly smaller this time round. A quick look at the board on entry showed waiting times were reduced to 15 minutes on average. Was it because there were more rides to choose from?

Anyway, we took advantage of this and went on as many rides as we could while trying to sample the few we didn’t make it on last time around.

And we did it as well. This made me realise that Legoland Windsor is actually a great place to take the family for a short break as well as a day out destination. The only ride we didn’t get on was Jungle Coaster – at five years old, Stan was still slightly too small to go on it.

If there was one attraction that was the highlight of our day, it had to be the Bob the Builder show in 4D. It was only 15 minutes long, but the show was actually (as my boss would say) awesome. I won’t spoil it for you, but I will say this: the effects were spot on and there is a lovely little surprise at the end of the show.

We left the park at 7pm (the same time as every other Tom, Dick and Harry) and proceeded to sit in the car for another 30 minutes as we tried to get out. If you like traffic jams, you can stop reading now. But, if you want to escape the rush, hang back for a short while. Eat some food, wander round the shops for a bit, practice speaking foreign languages – whatever – the point is, leave later. You will escape the crowds and still get home at the same sort of time.

Legoland Windsor was nothing short of brilliant once again – I really can’t stress how great the place is, you just need to go there and see it for yourself. If you have small children and live the South, there is nowhere better to take them for a treat. I look forward to going back there next year when Stan will be old enough to ride the Jungle Coaster and checking out the new zone for 2010.

Normally I would leave this sort of thing to Jonathan Buckingham-Dudley, but he is far too engrossed in what is happening to Susan Boyle. So, for this instalment at least, you have the pleasure of my company.

First of all, a big thank you to Screamscape for supplying me with the crumb-trail. Without you, I really would have had no work to do this afternoon. And while for some that sounds like a marvellous thing, it doesn’t half make hometime a long way away.

There are three videos on YouTube at the moment. The beginnings of a new viral promotion or merely fan fiction? You decide:

Now, I don’t know about you, but I get the distinct feeling that Alton Towers are also going for something a bit spooky in much the same way Thorpe Park did earlier this year when they unveiled SAW – The Ride.

The difference being, of course, is that Alton Towers is aimed at a younger market – so we can expect it to be a little tamer than the aforementioned.

We also reported that the ride will have a backwards section, somewhat similar to Disney’s Expedition Everest ride (see above video). A quick glance at the plans below, which were submitted to the local council by Alton Towers, clearly shows the point where the ride stops its forward motion, in favour of a backwards section.

At this time, this is all we really have to go on, but fear not – we are on the case and will bring you all the latest as and when it hits.

Oh, and one last titbit for you. Here’s a video of the locals’ reactions to the ride. Some good, some bad. You can decide for yourself what you think.

2009 is not a good year if you are superstitious – TWO Friday the thirteenths in just two months? Surely nothing good can come from that. Can it? If you are a theme park fan, then the answer is yes. Well, sort of.

On Friday March 13, Thorpe Park champions its latest offering to the masses: SAW – The Ride. Based on the film franchise of the same name, the ride is the world’s first ever horror movie themed rollercoaster. Having watched the films and been left feeling rather queasy after a few scenes, I must say the thought of this ride is horrid.

Here’s why:
1. It has a past vertical 100 degree drop.
2. It reaches speeds of 55 mph.
3. It has a past vertical 100 degree drop.

While researching the ride, I stumbled across a few more facts: It will last one minute and 40 seconds from start to finish (queueing not included), has three inversions and cost a whopping £13.5m to build.

The cost is especially impressive when you find out how much the other new ride that opens on 13 March cost. We’ll get to this in but a moment. For now, my colleague and I are debating whether or not Thorpe Park had to pay a license fee for the ride, or if Lionsgate willingly gave the rights for free in return for future sales of the DVDs. Any of you guys know? Please let me know…

There is also some debate about whether or not SAW – The Ride is a worthwhile venture from the film industry, or if it’s simply a product of those marketing types looking to make a few extra bucks.

Also, in ten years time, will we actually remember the films, or will they be cast into the pit of forgetfulness along with the fizzy Nemesis drink that made its way into our vending machines in the mid 90s? (Look it up – it did exist.) Nemesis is still one of the best rides in the world – a true legend in fact, and SAW – The Ride looks set to be another major player in theme park land. There is no doubt in my mind that we will still be riding it ten years time – I am just not so sure I will remember anything of Jigsaw and his sordid ‘games’ with complacent victims.

The second ride opening this week is Edge at Paulton’s Park. If you haven’t heard anything about Edge, let me give you a brief description: It’s a big spinny-roundy disc that seats 40 people. Said disc then spins horizontally while moving along a 90 metre section of track at speeds of 43 mph. Back and forth, back and forth, I’m not entirely sure that anyone will be able to stand up or hang on to any lunch after riding the Edge.

The ride is another first for the UK – it’s the only one of its type here and the eighth of its kind in the world. Sure, Spinball Whizzer at Alton Towers does the same sort of thing, but that one actually goes round a proper ‘rollercoaster’ track and only accommodates four riders at a time.

Edge cost just £1m to build which, let’s face it, is nothing compared to SAW – The Ride. With the backing of Merlin, Thorpe can justify the spend. Paulton’s, on the other hand, can’t.

So where will you be heading this weekend? If you live near London, it’ll have to be Thorpe, but if you live near the New Forest – you’re surely going to Paulton’s. Me? I’ll be doing something far more cowardly, like stroking kittens, or watching Raven with my kids. Either way, you are going to need to take a packed lunch – the queues are going to be loooooooooong.

There’s the Thorpe Park youtube channel of course, but there is also a small group of people who somehow are making simulations of what a lap of Project Dylan might look like. What programme they are using or how long it takes I have no idea but what I do know is that the simulations look pretty credible. The video is not 100% accurate of course but it’s the closest thing to a full lap of the new ride you’re going to get until next year when it opens.

If any of you clever clever readers know what technological wizardry is used to make these little videos please let me know, I’m intrigued.

Good is’nt it?! We owe our thanks to the mysterious ‘leighhills’. I’ll be keeping my eye out for her/his future youtube offerings.