Play-and-Stay Blog

Attacking the Times? That’s a tad rough isn’t it? Where would Britain and her Empire be without this most level-headed publication? Well, yesterday it all went a bit loop-the-loop, perhaps? In an article called “The Horrifying Cost of Britain’s Top Attractions” Chris Haslam tots up the price of some of the most popular theme parks and family resorts in the country to devastating effect. However, he’s quick to point out that he’s looking at the “hidden” extra costs like fast passes and gift shop prices.

Haslam launches into his piece like it’s a post-apocalyptic scene out of 28 Days Later or something. “Jason Green stood in the car park at Alton Towers,… looking slightly stunned.”
“I’ve just spent almost £400 on a single day out” he says, pasty and vacant no doubt. ‘Phhewww, that’s a bit steep!’ the readership gasp… but then we learn the full story. Haslam goes on about the hidden costs and examines how, with added parking fees, upgraded passes, snacks, drinks, a bundle of souvenirs, side shows and attractions and a slap up lunch at the restaurant, the price for a family of four attending somewhere like Alton or Chessington is astronomical. Now, hang on just one rootin’ tootin’ second there, this all seems a little silly doesn’t it? Because it seems to me that the premise is as follows: “Lets go to a major theme park, SPEND AS MUCH AS WE CAN, and then go ‘Wow! I can’t believe we spent so much!’”
You don’t need to break the bank to enjoy a theme park, just don’t go totally crazy as soon as you stroll through the gates: crying out loud, it’s not Supermarket Sweep! If you don’t want to spend an arm and a leg on pricey souvenirs then, well, don’t. Everyone knows what fickle little mites children can be, don’t buy them a load of guff they’ll consign to the attic the moment they get home. I can remember when I was a wee tiny person toddling around Alton Towers, ‘can I have this mum? I want one of those’, my mother was having precisely none of it.
At one point Haslam’s muse Jason Green claims, at working out that he will have spent £500 in one day, “A couple of years ago, I could have taken this lot to Greece for a week for less than that.” …… WHAT??! Flights to Greece, accommodation for a week, food, drinks, entertainment for a family of five for under £500?? That sounds like the sort of claim an elderly relative makes a Christmas, “Bah age of four an harf I were down’t mill working 32 hours a day.”

Of course, Haslam does balance the article out. He notes that pre-booking over the internet at Alton Towers, for example, is a fantastic way to save money and how to cancel out the need for a Fastrack pass. “Consider staying over” he advises, and enthuses about the “superbly themed” hotels.

So, what have we learnt? Well, firstly we’ve learnt that gift shops are expensive. Secondly, that money will burn a hole in your pocket if you let it, and thirdly, that if you’re thinking of going to Alton Towers think about chipping off to one of their hotels to notch up the best value-for-money experience. Job done.

This entry was posted on Monday, June 9th, 2008 at 1:31 pm and is filed under Theme Parks. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.